I am a dreamer. I love imagining the future. What Arden will become… What I will accomplish… What the house will look like when it’s done… Where our family will live in ten years… And the list goes on.
I am a doer. Wanna get me excited? Talk with me about an opportunity to start something, to be on the cutting edge of something new and exciting, to pioneer something that I am passionate about. Nothing aggravates me more than just talking about something and not actually doing it. Nothing.
College was an exciting time for me to explore passions, start something new, and live in a place of high capacity.
I am living in a seemingly invisible and low-capacity season, where many days I am at home and I don’t have a car and Arden is napping or I need to feed him. So at home I remain. Guess I’ll check Instagram one more time to see if anyone is doing anything exciting.
But I am learning to be fully here in the present, fully where I am.
I’m learning that being a dreamer and a doer does not necessarily have to be antithetical to my life right now. That seeing the Kingdom of Heaven invade earth and finally living out the great commission don’t necessarily mean living fast-paced and either in a place of widespread influence or in another country. My voice is not heard by many. But I have to believe that’s okay.
Because if the only thing that marked an influential and productive life was how known you are by others… Well, I don’t want to live with that kind of pressure.
Because maybe being known by God is all that really matters. That when I meet Jesus face to face he will determine whether I enter into his rest by whether I was known by just the One.
I struggle with this… I really do. With the desire to be known and be an influence. To lead worship in front of hundreds or thousands. To write a book. To have more than three readers of my blog.
I’m being very open with you.
But there’s just something about fully embracing this season. About being shaped and refined by the Word of The Lord.
I guess what I am trying to say is that right now for me, caring for a baby is good and holy. And intentionality makes all the difference. And, goodness, am I learning that loving God and abiding in him is all. That truth is still rocking me and sifting my intentions and searching my heart and changing my thought patterns.
Invisibility is not always a bad thing. Maybe Jesus felt invisible during those years about which the Bible is quiet, when he was working as a carpenter…
I can still be “invisible” and allow the Lord to store up dreams in my heart in the secret place. I can be trapped in my house and still have feet fitted with readiness of the gospel of peace. I can pray. I can love. I can become a more excellent wife and mom.
And when everything else seems overwhelming, I CAN talk with my Father. And worship him. And be satisfied in him. That, I can do. All the time, wherever I am.
Because in the end, I lay my jewels and crowns at His feet. And my joy is great when I devote my life to knowing Him. Jesus, let it be!