(You will see me posting more often in November, Lord-willing. I have a few goals just for the month of November — nothing too drastic, just simple things like washing my hair more often and doing a few random acts of kindness. But also to write and blog 3 times a week. The blogs will be short and not very edited, about various subjects on my mind. Enjoy!)
Been wrestling in this season of being a new mom… all the expectations… realizing the glorification of BUSY and is my worth measured by what I do or who I am
Ultimately, this question: is being a mom enough?
And, really, what does “enough” even mean? Enough for who?
Others? Who out there is evaluating my life and deciding whether what I am doing is enough? Am I vain enough to believe that is the case?
Is it enough for God?
Verses go through my mind…
You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself… the greatest commandment…
And this is the commandment we have from him, that we should love one another…
For it is by grace that you have been saved…not a result of works…
Settled, Jesus is enough. Jesus fulfilled the righteous requirement of the law for those of us who walk by the Spirit. No question. Jesus is enough. His power is made perfect in weakness.
But it is enough for me? Ah, there it is. My soul is restless, with the incessant questioning — “is this really enough”. The merciless, nagging thoughts of “well I should be doing this…”.
The root of it all.
My heart has not yet found its home.
I have not yet fully realized Christ in me, the hope of glory.
I have not yet been transformed by the renewing of my mind.
Isn’t this the journey? Letting go of ourselves and daring to believe in something greater? Daring to receive a wild, unending, mercifully abundant and generous love that exceeds the height of the heavens and the depths of any human reasoning? Yes, this love. This love is perfect. This love is unfathomable. His ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts. Could I dare to believe that?
This is my freedom. This is my peace. Casting off all restraint, throwing all “shoulds” to the wind.
This is my promise.
You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace.
I dare to believe, even when my heart is restless and I still think that I must buy the wine and good food that is offered freely. Even when I forget about the steadfast, covenant love He promised to David that is mine to keep. That love that was David’s when he was a shepherd. a musician. a vagabond. a king. All the same.
These thorns and thistles? The places that have brought death to me and to others in my life? They will be turned to cypress trees that grow big and strong. These nettles? They will be turned to beautiful myrtles that produce beauty in the summertime.
This is our promise.
The mountains and the hills are joining in the song of praise. The King reigns forever and ever. And his wild love is running rampant, for those who have the courage to grab a hold.
Come to the waters, all you who are thirsty.
Come, buy and eat without money or price.
Come and enjoy the richest feast.
Come and see this great God who is not altogether like us.
No, he is better. He is all that is good. He is wonderful and he is enough.
(inspired by Isaiah 55. go read it. it’s awesome.)