Here I am, almost 38 weeks pregnant. I am on the final lap of pregnancy–just how far from the finish line I am remains to be seen:).
I feel like I am just surviving in some ways. But I have much better perspective this time. This is such a short and unique season, the end of pregnancy. I’ve learned how to give up expectations of myself and to just live and be without those nagging thoughts. I know resting up and eating some Thanksgiving goodness without regret is exactly what I need to be doing.
Because it’s hard, y’all. With Arden, it was excruciatingly hard. I had pre-labor contractions for nearly three weeks–every day of which I spent thinking that day was the day, and cried at the constant disappointment. I had constant back and rib pain and was taking Tylenol PM nearly every night to try and secure hope of some sleep.
This pregnancy has been so different. I can happily say I haven’t had back pain, and I only get rib pain when I lay on my right side for an extended period of time. I have only had one night so far of those contractions, and it really wasn’t a huge deal because I’ve learned to try and not pay attention to them unless they demand my attention.
But this time, it’s all about the hand swells. Lord, have mercy. I did not swell with Arden nearly at all, but this time I have been swelling since 34 weeks. Feet swelling hasn’t been terrible, but oh my goodness the hands. They hurt almost all the time. I wake up and they are numb and stiff and it hurts to move them or try and make a fist. Jocelyn (my midwife) thinks this phenomenon might be partly due to a pinched nerve in my neck or something. But I am over it.
And I am hot almost all the time (which makes the swelling worse). Joey and I just have to laugh about it –he’s wearing pants, a pullover jacket and slippers to bed and I’m wearing a tank top and shorts. Which is so uncharacteristic of me as I am usually more cold-natured and love being warm. Not while carrying a 6lb+ baby apparently! Haha:).
And, you know. I feel huge. It can get a little depressing, and the swelling certainly doesn’t help. And sleep? Well…if you notice that I am posting this sometime in the 5 o’clock hour that can give you a hint;).
So why am I sharing this? Well, partly because it’s therapeutic to just get it out there — it’s part of accepting the reality and being okay with it. But also I want to remember the little things of pregnancy. I want to look back and laugh because I know that pregnancy is so incredibly hard and sometimes downright ridiculous; I also want to look back and smile because I know it was all worth it. As I stare I to my freshly born daughter’s face I will know that any inconvenience or discomfort this 9 months brought was really nothing in comparison to the beauty and peace of holding my newborn child.
Reminds me of Romans 8 where it says that the sufferings of this present time are truly nothing in comparison with the glory that is to be revealed to us. It’s such a good reminder. Because there are some truly hard and painful parts of life right now, beyond pregnancy. Nothing evil happening — just the anticipation of upcoming changes that make me feel grief in a deep, lonely place. But I have hope of eternity with the Changeless One–an eternal weight of glory to enjoy with Him forever. And as hard as life can be, the weight of the sorrows in the world that go way beyond pregnancy and life-changes and that make my head spin and my stomach turn are far outweighed by the coming glory. And when The Lord calls me to that glory I will look back and smile with peace that comes from knowing that all is finally right. I will have a peace and understanding that I can never fully have on earth that comes from seeing the other side. Just like the Rita Springer song that I had playing during my labor with Arden, I’m desperate in seeking, frantic believing that the sight of Your face is all that I’m needing / it’s gonna be worth it, it’s gonna be worth it, it’s gonna be worth it all.
Love you all.
It’s gonna be great.