When I don’t like my story {finding Jesus in my disappointment}

I’ve been struggling with something lately. 

This thought has popped into my head multiple times a day over the past week: I don’t like my story right now.

Let me elaborate. 

Why do we have to live in this stupid house? 

Why couldn’t God have helped us finish the house sooner so we didn’t have to go through the craziness of finishing a house with a toddler and a baby? 

Why after almost four years of marriage do we still always feel behind on finances? 

WHY DOES EVERYTHING WITH THE HOUSE HAVE TO TAKE SO LONG? {sometimes my thoughts happen in all caps because THE EMOTION IS JUST SO STRONG}


I wish the story went differently. I wish we could have this awesome story about how money appeared out of nowhere to finish the house a miraculously short amount of time. I wish we could have a story of renovations going so quickly and easily and being able to sell the house and making money off of it before we even had kids. I have even fantasized about Lowe’s or Home Depot or one of those HGTV shows swooping in and loving our story and helping us finish it so the house could have a fairytale ending. 

But this is not reality. The reality is much less glamorous; nothing anyone would want to watch on HGTV. The reality is STUFF EVERYWHERE. dust everywhere. Having to make a million trips to Lowe’s because the paint color looks different than we thought it would. Having to spend too much money and making a million mistakes. Ladders and paint cans in the living room. No dramatic ending in sight. Just squeaking out a *mostly* finished house and praying that SOMEONE EVEN WANTS IT and that we can break even. 

I’ve asked God for the miracle ending. For the fast finish. For the money showing up out of nowhere. Wouldn’t that be a much better story? I feel like I’m in the middle of writing a book and I realize the story is awful and I should just scrap it. 

BUT. 

Then I think of Jesus. I think of my story. And I realize that no matter what my earthly life looks like I am apart of the BEST STORY EVER because Jesus has brought me from death to life. I realize that it was never meant to be smooth sailing this side of eternity. 

And I consider that maybe God hasn’t dramatically rescued us out of this for a reason. Not for lack of faith or prayer (because PRAISE THE LORD it doesn’t depend on my performance anymore) but for a glorious purpose. A purpose way more glorious than having a finished house. Maybe this is meant to point me to eternity. Helping me not get too comfortable with my earthly dwelling that I might long for my heavenly dwelling. Teaching me to be content in whatever situation I am. 

Lately I have been noticing that in the Bible hope is never about the here and now. We have hope in what Jesus has done, and we have an eternal hope. “Fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” (1 Peter 1:13) There is a weight of glory that is yet to be revealed. 

“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” 2 Cor 4:16-18

One day, this house will be burned to the ground. Yet I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. So I fix my eyes not on my frail faith, on my unlovely circumstances, or the way I wish things were. Rather, I fix my eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfector of my faith. The One who went all the way, who fulfilled every letter of the Law and accomplished everything He sent out to do so we could be free. The One who accepted the cup of suffering and the wrath of the Father. The One who will one day transform the body of my humble state into conformity with the body of His glory. The center of the best story ever known to man. Praise be to God!

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3 comments

  1. Oh Molly Doll, thanks for being so transparent in these days of many sorrows as you realize there is an eternal picture alone side them. Perfect perspective although at times a hard one to live. But oh the wonders of drawing closer to the King of kings and Lord of lords. Praying His comfort is not only known in your thoughts but felt as a real experience for you this day!! It comes up from deep within and floods your heart and very soul as living water of His Spirit.

    Something about writing that releases the hurts, don’t you think. And you do it so beautifully.

    the line…reality…nothing anyone would want to watch on HGTV. Oh my so true. Real life. Praying going forward you will be able to live a life of contentment in simplicity. What freedom!! Owning nothing and nothing owning you except Jesus Christ. I’m telling you it will be like a load lifted. We experienced it from downsizing and going to Crimea. (Can’t wait for the next downsize) I thank God for this lesson in my life and only wish it had only come sooner. Remember how you told me how brave I was well…I see you are also a brave young lady. Something we must be cut from, wish you had known my mom :(( someday we must talk more about her life.

    Hugs. MaMaw.

    Please pray for me as I pray for you.

    Loys

    >

  2. Love you Molly-doll. Something that has resonated with me lately is the thought that it is His story and not about me. Even though it isn’t glamorous, and it’s hard, it’s a joy to have our eyes fixed on the heavenly realm of life, the bigger picture, the better purpose-all for His glory. Trust His goodness for your life as it looks right now. I love you and your sweet family!! New chapters are ahead. What great training ground you are in for the rest of the story. Don’t miss it, and I don’t think you are by way of your thoughts here. Keep writing!!

  3. Courage!
    I was thinking that I was reading this of The Return of the King. You know that painfully long long lonnnng slog across the parched lands and the swamps and the godforsaken rocks? When I reread the series, I’m often tempted to skip those chunks- after all NOTHING HAPPENS! It’s all just sad and miserable and cranky and Gollum gives me the creeps. I’d much rather read the dramatic, heroic, and glamorous adventures of the other Fellowship fragments. Yet somehow, that long patience, the dedication to ‘one more step’ on the world’s worst hiking trip ends up saving everything.
    I love the dedication and MOUNTAINS of hard work that you and Joey have put into your house. Everytime we visit it feels full of love, full of life because it’s growing and changing with your family. I know that someone will see that love-saturated home and desperately want it for their own! I wish we could sit and trade babies and have a cup of coffee/tea together but know that I’m praying for you and cheering you guys on! You are making it!

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