Okay, so I made a couple minor changes to the blog. For one, it’s no longer titled “The Wahlquist Blog,” but, “The Molly Wahlquist Blog,” because let’s be honest I’m the only one who posts on here, and it’s not so much about our family as a whole but rather about “my inner world” which happens to often include my family.
My inner world… that’s the only phrase I could think of to describe what I write about. I wanted to put in the header something like, “grace, brokenness, and motherhood,” but that feels like I’m making a promise to only write about those things. So saying “words from my inner world” pretty much means that I can write about whatever I want.
I also changed the layout. It was a long time coming. Not sure why I desired a bunch of balloons in the background.
Maybe, just maybe, changing things up might motivate me to use this thing more often. I really want to blog more regularly. There’s just these things, things like “not enough time” and “too tired to do anything at the end of the day but lay on the couch,” and, on a related note, “two small children.” So, again, no promises, only the best of intentions.
Last night, I read through some of my older blog posts from this year, and I was flat AMAZED at how much of a different person I feel already. Something about the move, grieving multiple changes and circumstances, my kids growing, and just plain Time has brought me to a place where I read some of my older blog posts and I barely recognize myself (or my kids) anymore. Hopefully that doesn’t sound too dramatic, or “angsty” as my sister would say. It just speaks to the fact that I am in a new season. I have spent a while fighting it, wrestling in my heart trying to just make peace with it all. I have found myself crying randomly, missing the old house (which I still consider “home” in some ways…still so hard to believe it’s not ours anymore) and Belton and just the way things were.
And really, as much as in those moments I tell Joey that I want to go back to the way it was, at the end of the day, I don’t think that’s really what my heart wants. Because the Lord knows how many tears I shed in that very house during that last year especially, how many prayers I prayed for rescue, and how many times I told Joey GET ME OUT OF THIS STUPID DUSTY OLD HOUSE I WANT IT TO BE OVER. Umm, yeah. That was me just a few months ago.
I think what I want is that feeling of familiarity. Living a life rooted deep from years of planting and investing and growing and staying. It’s time for me to dig into where I am and decide to stay and grow. It’s time to submit to the process, and to Time. Because it’s going to take a lot of it.
Blogging will help, too. For me, blogging is a good way to document my seasons and to have something tangible to look back on. I am an avid journal-er, but blogging is a good way to help me see the highlights rather than have to dig through my many many journals to remember certain things.
So, here’s to digging in and loving where I’m at. Because I don’t want it to take looking back and reading these blog posts once things have changed yet again to finally feel fond about this season. By the grace of God.