About 2015

I could say so much about this year. I’ve thought of different names this year could have: The Year Everything Broke, The Year That Sent Me Into Counseling (Twice), The Year Everything Fell Apart. I’m not going to go into detail about it all. I’ve shared some on this blog before but this is gonna be short. 

I just wrote in my journal, “this year everything fell apart, and I’m thankful for it.” And finally, I really do mean that. I’m done wrestling with it all, done being angsty about it. I’m thankful. Thankful to have been broken, thankful for the chance to experience the grace of God deeper than ever before, thankful to have been brought to a place of sweet dependence on Him. I wouldn’t change anything about it; for the sake of my marriage, my mothering, the way I see my walk with God and the Church. 

I dreaded this year before it came, and I spent most of the year wishing it was over. And I’m definitely not sad to see it go. But I want to count the fruit from the year. This is my story, this is my song: God has been so relentlessly kind, gentle, gracious, and compassionate to me this year. So patient in leading me and so sweet in His friendship and counsel. So faithful to show me that it’s not about me. SO GOOD in preparing me for this year in 2014 by bringing me to a place of deeper understanding of His grace and what it really means to rest in His finished work. 

I’ll finish this [very dramatic] post with lyrics of a song that meant so much to me during all the hard hard things. It describes so many of my feelings about it all perfectly. 

Called “Never Dying Love” by none other than Jon Thurlow. 

I need something stronger than my own resolve 

Something trials and floods cannot quench 

Put that fiery seal of Your love on my heart

Let it keep me strong til the end 

The seasons have changed and I’m aware

Passion is not enough 

Now that I know my weakness more

Oh how I need Your never dying love

I need something deeper than my own desire

Something only heaven can give 

Put that fiery seal of Your love on my heart

That I might be strengthened in this 

I wanna come up leaning on my Beloved

After the wilderness is done

Seasons have changed and I’m aware

That passion is not enough

Now that I know my weakness more

Oh how I need Your never dying love


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